


teenage wasteland

by larabfb



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, First Love, Fluff, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Textfic, Texting, group chats, literally that's all this is
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-28
Updated: 2016-02-28
Packaged: 2018-05-23 19:14:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6127262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/larabfb/pseuds/larabfb
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They text until they fall in love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	teenage wasteland

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is further proof that I am complete and utter trash, but I'm not gonna lie, I had so much fun with it.  
> Let me know what you think :-)  
> p.s. they're in high school (american style high school I guess? because I have no idea how the british school system works) but they still have their hogwarts houses shh just go with it  
> all chapter titles will be from Teenage Wasteland (Prom Song Gone Wrong) by Lana Del Rey

monday

group ( **harry, ron, draco, hermione, seamus, luna, dean, neville, ginny, pansy** )

 **harry:** morning

 **draco:** hey bitch

 **weasel:** If you eat yourself, would you become twice as big or disappear completely ?

 **hermione:** that was a lovely text to wake up to

 **pansy:** weasley, don’t tell me you think that devouring yourself is actually plausible.

 **draco:** we always knew you were stupid but…… this is a new low

 **weasel:** Slytherins are so close-minded

 **dean:** ron i don’t think that’s how it works

 **hermione:** anyone want to go out for breakfast this morning?

 **weasel:** No hermione we are having a serious conversation

 **harry:** hermione I’ll be there in five

 **hermione:** god bless

 **hermione:** I need coffee so badly

 **pansy:** granger. get me a mocha.

 **harry:** bitch we don’t have to get you shit

 **pansy:** I’ll pay you for it when you get to first pd.

 **harry:** ur lucky I love you

 **pansy:** …. :)

 **weasel** set **harry** ’s nickname as **Pansy’s bitch**

 **weasel** set **pansy** ’s nickname as **Coffee hoe**

 **Coffee hoe:** accurate. harry is my bitch.

 **draco:** wait what

 **Pansy’s bitch** set his own nickname to **I AM NOBODYS BITCH**

 **luna:** guys

 **luna:** don’t fucking swear

 **I AM NOBODYS BITCH:** nice

 **draco:** potter bring me coffee too pls

 **I AM NOBODYS BITCH:** come with us?

 **draco:** nah i overslept, I’m going to be late as it is

 **seamus:** TOP OF THE MORNING TO YA

 **Coffee hoe:** fuck outta here you irish slut

 **seamus:** ok

 

private ( **I AM NOBODYS BITCH** to **hermione** )

 **I AM NOBODYS BITCH:** okay but lowkey

 **I AM NOBODYS BITCH:** draco malfoy

 **hermione:**...What about him?

 **I AM NOBODYS BITCH:** um

 **I AM NOBODYS BITCH:** he’s making me feel some type of way\

 **hermione:** Oh god.

 **hermione:** I can’t say I’m surprised.

 **I AM NOBODYS BITCH:**??????????????????????? what does that mean

 **I AM NOBODYS BITCH:** open your front door fool im outside

 **hermione:** hold on

 **hermione:** i don’t have pants on yet

 **I AM NOBODYS BITCH:** i didn’t need to know that

 

group ( **I AM NOBODYS BITCH, weasel, hermione, dean, draco, Coffee hoe, luna, neville, ginny, seamus** )

 **seamus:** let’s play truth or dare

 **dean:** babe we’re all in class

 **seamus:** that’s what makes it fun >:)

 **hermione:** I’m tapping out.

 **Coffee hoe:** i’m down. you gryffindors won’t know what hit you.

 **luna:** I’m not a gryffindor!!!

 **Coffee hoe:** that’s nice. unfortunately for you… no one asked

 **seamus:** granger you can’t tap out!!!!!! its not fun w/o you

 **neville:** guys shut your pie holes

 **neville:** i broke the button on my phone that turns the ringer on and off so its permanently stuck on on and my phone keeps going off in the middl e of ap bio because you guys can’t shut up for two seconds im going to get detention

 **Coffee hoe:** GOT EM

 **Coffee hoe:** ginny, why do you always read everything and not reply?

 **ginny:** I have a life, unlike all of you

 **luna:** daaaammmnnn she dragging us

 **Coffee hoe:** u right

 **draco:** potter where’s my coffee

 **I AM NOBODYS BITCH:** in my locker

 **draco:** well that’s quite inconvenient

 **I AM NOBODYS BITCH:** go get it. i’ll text you my combo

 

private ( **I AM NOBODYS BITCH** to **draco** )

 **I AM NOBODYS BITCH:** 21 7 12

 **draco:** I don’t even know where your locker is.

 **I AM NOBODYS BITCH:** 3rd floor #C084

 **draco:** ok. I hope you aren’t fucking with me

 **draco:** i found it.. YOU ARE MY LORD AND SAVIOR

 **I AM NOBODYS BITCH:** you’re welcome ;)

 

group ( **I AM NOBODYS BITCH, weasel, hermione, dean, draco, Coffee hoe, luna, neville, ginny, seamus** )

 **dean:** lunch plans?

 **ginny:** chinese food???

 **weasel:** No we had that last week

 **neville:** Pizza

 **Coffee hoe:** I’m down

 **ginny:** ok everyone meet at hermione’s locker.

 **I AM NOBODYS BITCH:** gotchu

 

private ( **I AM NOBODYS BITCH** to **hermione** )

 **I AM NOBODYS BITCH:** hermione

 **hermione:** Harry.

 **I AM NOBODYS BITCH:** he left a note in my locker

 **hermione:** What? Who?

 **I AM NOBODYS BITCH:** malfoy

 **I AM NOBODYS BITCH:** i left the coffee i bought him in my locker on accident bc im a dumbass. so i gave him my combo so he could go get it during 1st pd. and he left a note on a blue post-it where the coffee was and

 **hermione:** Harry calm the fuck down.

 **I AM NOBODYS BITCH:** SORRY I JUST

 **hermione:** what did it say????

 **I AM NOBODYS BITCH:** “h - this is why you’re my favorite. I owe you one. - d”

 **hermione:** Oh. I was expecting something much more explicit

 **I AM NOBODYS BITCH:** I wish

 **hermione:** Omg.

 **I AM NOBODYS BITCH:** wait no

 **hermione:** HA

 

group ( **I AM NOBODYS BITCH, weasel, hermione, dean, draco, Coffee hoe, luna, neville, ginny, seamus** )

 **weasel:** WHO TOOK THE LEFTOVER PIZZA????

 **weasel:** RON IS HUNGRY

 **hermione:** Ronald, we watched you eat an entire pizza less than twenty minutes ago.

 **weasel:** I’M A GROWING BOY :(

 **I AM NOBODYS BITCH:** you sound more and more like your mother every day

 **weasel:** Oh fuck

 **luna:** harry potter the caps in your username are so aggressive. i hope you don’t mind if i remove them

 **luna** removed **harry** ’s nickname.

 **ginny:** Do any of you pay attention in class? Like ever? Or do all of you just sit there with your eyes glued to this stupid group chat?

 **draco:** you tryna fight

 **ginny:** Just curious. Calm your ass down

 **draco:** square up ginerva

 **ginny:** Omg don’t call me that.

 **draco:** swing first

 **ginny:** These are the moments when I ask myself why and how I tolerate your presence

 **draco:** ……… aight :(

 

private ( **draco** to **Coffee hoe** )

 **draco:** pansy parkinson

 **Coffee hoe:** that’s my name, don’t wear it out.

 **draco:** gotta tell you something

 **Coffee hoe:** spill

 **draco:** there’s a slight chance that i might be gay

 **Coffee hoe:** dammit. even my charming face and model-status body couldn’t persuade you to stick with heterosexuality

 **draco:** ur hot. 10/10 would bang. but……….boys

 **Coffee hoe:** oh honey. it’s about time you figured this out

 **draco:** wait what

 **Coffee hoe:** I already knew you were gay. I could tell tbh.

 **draco:** OH FUCK. HOW

 **Coffee hoe:** every time you look at potter, your face lights up and you get all nervous and fidget with your hands. and on the rare occasion that he compliments you, you turn so red that i could easily mistake your face for a stop sign

 **draco:** shit you know me too damn well

 **Coffee hoe:** I really do.

 

group ( **harry, weasel, hermione, dean, draco, Coffee hoe, luna, neville, ginny, seamus** )

 **seamus:** MY DUDES WHO WANTS TO HANG AFTER SCHOOL

 **draco:** no

 **seamus:** you bitch ass hoe

 **harry:** i am down

 **seamus:** AYYYYY

 **seamus:** where’s dean. if dean’s out then i’m out too

 **Coffee hoe:** I thought both of you were out?

 **Coffee hoe:** and by that I mean out of the closet

 **seamus:** you think you’re funny. that’s old news coffee hoe

 **neville:** GUYS PLEASE STOP TEXTING MY PHONE IS GOING OFF CONTINUOUSLY IVE GOTTEN 35 DEMERITS IN ONE DAY MY GRANDMOTHER IS GOING TO MURDER ME

 **draco:** let’s see if we can get him to 100 demerits

 **hermione:** Neville turn off your ringer

 **neville:** I BROKE THE BUTTON

 **hermione:** you can do it in settings

 **neville:** Oh

 **draco:** let’s chill at starbucks after school?

 **harry:** thought you said you didn’t want to hang

 **draco:** I changed my mind

 **harry:** hm

 

private ( **harry** to **hermione** )

 **harry:** ARE YOU GOING OUT W/ SQUAD AFTER SCHOOL

 **hermione:** Can’t. I’m leading sophomore chemistry tutoring today from 3:30 to 5:30.

 **harry:** NO IM GOING TO BE ALONE WITH MALFOY

 **harry:** HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME

 **hermione:** What happened to Dean and Seamus?

 **harry:** you know how they are. they’ll be all over each other and off in their own little world and it’ll seem like its just me and draco

 **harry:** oh my god it’s like a double date but worse because we aren’t dating

 **hermione:** Bribe Ron with chicken wings. He’ll stay with you for sure.

 **harry:** ugh. gtg teacher knows im on my phone lmao rip harry potter

 **hermione:** Love you.

 **harry:** <3343455467

 

private ( **seamus** to **dean** )

 **seamus:** my gaydar is picking up on something…….

 **dean:** lmao well you’re a little late. we’ve been dating for a year and you only just realized that i’m gay

 **seamus:** not YOU

 **seamus:** im talkin about potter

 **seamus:** and malfoy

 **dean:** oh true. I ship it

 **seamus:** i feel like we should do something about this, as we are the resident raging homosexuals of squad

 **dean:** seamus. getting involved might not be a good idea

 **seamus:** fym bitch all my ideas are good

 **dean:** whatever you say babe

 **seamus:** i’ve got a killer plan. are u in or not

 **dean:** do I really have a choice?

 **seamus:** lol

 


End file.
